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Luck and the Rule of "T"s

Many years ago, my father told me one of those pearls of wisdom that seem silly at the time, but that events in your life teach you to appreciate. Today was one of those days, for me.

I'm a very lucky person. (I know, I know — just play along, it's worth it.) For example, my airline flights are almost never late. But it's more than just having on-time flights. Even when things go wrong, they tend to go right. A few months ago I was on a plane that had mechanical trouble before leaving the ground. We went back to the gate, and a different flight got canceled so the passengers on my flight could steal their aircraft.

Today I have a new example of amazing luck. This morning, shortly after arriving at work, I broke my glasses. They simply broke in my hand as I was taking them off. They weren't crushed or subject to unusual forces or anything, they just broke for no clear reason. That might sound unlucky, but for the important fact that I had previously scheduled an optometrist visit for tonight. My glasses broke at the best possible time — what luck!

They evaluated the damage and said they couldn't fix the frames. Luckily for me, they had one set of frames on the premises that would hold my existing lenses, so they could transfer them immediately. And they did. Incredible luck, yes? I broke my glasses and got them replaced in less than twelve hours without any stress or urgency. It was all so easy.

So how do I explain all the trouble I've had buying a car? That's not lucky at all. Which brings me to my father's pearl of wisdom, which he called the Rule of "T"s: If it's got tits or tires, it'll give you trouble. My car gave me trouble because it has tires. Women give me trouble because they have tits.

The surprise for me was realizing that the inverse of the Rule of "T"s is true. Nothing except women and cars give me trouble! I'm unreasonably lucky in every other field, all of the time.

I don't know whether this means I'm destined to be killed in a traffic accident by a woman. But it does seem like the most appropriate way to go.

Tiny Island