Cap'n Arbyte's
Main page

Zany stuff
Best blog articles
Technical articles
Blog archives




Non-blog sites
(coming soon)
(coming soon)

The Right Tie

I spent several hours tonight driving around in pursuit of the Right Tie.

I'm going to a work-related dinner on Friday and I plan to dress formally, thus the need for a tie. But it's so hard to find one that's just right!

I went to a Men's Wearhouse and looked through their very large selection of ties, but nothing looked quite right. I even looked through their Extra Long ties because they had different patterns, and weirdly that set the salespeople after me. The first guy told me that those are extra long ties and I should be looking at the normal ones on the tables nearby, instead. I told him that I was looking for the pattern and that if the length was wrong I really didn't care. A few minutes later another salesman came by and again informed me that I was looking at the extra long ties. I told him, more curtly, "I'm aware."

Those people don't know me very well. I really didn't care about the length. Ties that are too short are a problem — ties that are too long, aren't. I own scissors, and wouldn't hesitate to use them.

In the end I left that store (and several others) emptyhanded. I decided to leave them in wonder about why I would have any interest in a tie that was too long. I spared them the emotional shock of holding up a tie and making a little scissor motion with my fingers. I guess I'm a softie.

I'm almost ready to give up the search for the Right Tie. I have one more place to check tomorrow, because they closed before I got there tonight. If they don't have the Right Tie there, I'll probably go to the dinner wearing my pirate tie — pure black except for a skull and crossbones on the bottom.

It's appropriate for my persona, if not exactly appropriate for the event. (Would it be appropriate for any event? Yes, if I had a date wearing one of these.)

Tiny Island