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Do Not Feed the Pirate
It is imperative that I never, ever, ever eat a Pizzagra.
Pirate, I can do. Pizza, I can do. Sexy, I can do. But that's a "pick any two" solution. All three simultaneously would undoubtedly cause some sort of catastrophe, destabilizing the very fabric of the universe, which would be bad. In lots of ways.
Unless she's buying, because then I can be cheap too, which trumps all the others. (More booty for me, you see. Arr!)
So, uh, any wenches ladies want to buy me a pizza? Valentine's day is soon. :)
…Goodness, I have all sorts of inappropriate puns about hooks and curves that I could write here. But they're so bad I … I can't. Not at the same time I'm trolling for a chum. Or is that chumming for a troll? I mean… right, time to stop digging.